i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
