She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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