I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I would fuck him just for his dog
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
