My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
