Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
