You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
