She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
