So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
