A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
