You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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