I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
