Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
