ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
