Barsexuality is the new black.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize