why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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