it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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