WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
