There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
