Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
