Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
