we have officially lost it.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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