Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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