It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
