So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
