Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize