no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
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No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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