Don't make out with my wife yet
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i am craving dick and cupcakes