Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
