You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me