You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
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They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
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It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later