Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.