i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.