I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning