I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT