dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.