I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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