i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
