what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Someone came in the potted fern
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
