i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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