literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
