we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
