I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My cat gives me a boner
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
