I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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