I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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