no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
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id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
As shirtless as possible
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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