just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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