I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
