i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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