I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I've blown a few things in my day
P.S. I can't hear my feet
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
