Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
