Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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