His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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