Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
