I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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