Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
