I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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