that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
