Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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