"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
