Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
