I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
