He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
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Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
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I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.