well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
