He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
