Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
