3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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