nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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