Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My liver just had a heart attack.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
