Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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