Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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