So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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