My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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