dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
