i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
