bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
