Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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